when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
