my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
