whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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