Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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