my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
