Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
