I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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