I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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