my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
