All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
