I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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