this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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