"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
