i just wanna soil my oats bro
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
