i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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