Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
