i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize