he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
