oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
