i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
