sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
