You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
