giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
