Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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