On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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