WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
