I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
