yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
