On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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