im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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