just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
