careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just googled if crying burns calories
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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