Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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