i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
