I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
