Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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