i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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