Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize