Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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