i think my tv is drunk
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
