Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
