STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
