just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
