my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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