all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
