I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Alive.
So much puke
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
