Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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