Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
from now on my penis is your penis
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
