Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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