thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
