Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
