you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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