Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
