there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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