wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
