Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
