Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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