do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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