i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
