Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
