i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
