my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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