He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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