It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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