"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
