I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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