I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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