It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize