Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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