Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
