I cockslap morals
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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