I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
